Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
