you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
