i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
