i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
