It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
