When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
