did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
