Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
