don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
