Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
