The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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