one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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