True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
