is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
