I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
