We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize