What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
