Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
