So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
