Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
