Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
