Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize