I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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