remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
