She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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