I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize