Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
