I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
