I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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