So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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