He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
