I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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