chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
3 2 1 whiskey
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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