as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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