dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
