garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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