I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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