The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
