dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two words: blizzard sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
