She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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