Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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