he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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