Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
