yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
