My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
