You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He has the fingertips of a God
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