As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
