she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why do cheetos always look like penises
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
