hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize