There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
