I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
