wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
