its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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