youre lurking in front of me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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