Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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