so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
