So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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