Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
