The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who died my cat blue again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
