Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
