her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
