apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
