Pants 0. Shit 1.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
