Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
