So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
