she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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