I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize