He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize